DIS week: Will I Lose My Dignity?
Orange is NOT the New Black: Like every other twenty-something white girl, Julianne Hough LOVES Orange Is The New Black. She love it so much, she decided to dress up as one of her *favorite* characters from the show – Crazy Eyes – for Halloween. One problem though, Crazy Eyes is black, and J-Hough is not. Contrary to popular belief in 1920, blackface is not okay (see here for further explanation) but what about bronzeface? Oh yeah dude, that’s totally fine!! Go for it!!! Sike.
Your Social Activism for the Week: SIGN THIS PETITION to appoint Kanye West as the curator for the 2015 Venice Biennale because I want to know how to say “Yeezy Taught Me” in Italian. After that, donate to the Marina Abramovic Retirement Fund of America (M.A.R.F.A), a “citizen action group dedicated to stopping Marina Abramovic from creating further artworks”. Not only are you supporting a great cause, the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society of America, but you’ll be helping out Marina too. She may not thank us now, but if anyone needs to be put into forced retirement, it’s our girl Ma-Riri.
Sugar Daddies: These days, it seems like it’s harder than ever to find a nice boy and/or girl to settle down with. On top of that, the economy still sucks and, let’s face it, people are getting desperate. Like ‘that friend’ who ‘forced you’ to get Tinder, I give you one of the most eligible bachelors on the market today:
Meet Don Milisav Juan Gonzales Brzi: the wealthy Serbian bachelor who has everything *but* someone to call his lover – preferably a girl between 16-20. But if you want to attract a Millennial, you got to think and act like one. So he grabbed his camera & finest fur apparel and posted a bunch of #lavish pictures of himself in his gold-plated mansion, along with the following message:
“To all unmarried ones who would like to spend their life by my side and within all the beauties of my home. Please look below at all the magic of my home that I have decorated with taste, perhaps just for YOU”.
Chopped: A 26-year-old Chinese man cut off his penis earlier this week because he was depressed he didn’t have a girlfriend. After realizing that he LITERALLY CHOPPED OFF HIS PENIS, he quickly rode his bicycle to the nearest hospital, only for doctors to inform him there was nothing they could do because he left his knifefellas magic stick at home. And you think you’re having a bad day.
Burning Man: A man in Georgia ran back into his burning home to rescue his Bud Light because some things are worth risking your life for.
Mirror Mourning: This week in ‘The Youth are Damned”, we give you Selfies at Funerals – because there’s no better way of saying ‘Rest In Peace’’ than duck lips and a head tilt.
At least she knows she’s going to hell.