Khaki wishes and khookie dreams… from Prague

There is nothing like a tourist city in a central European country in a summer month for a reDIScovery of khaki. My latest thoughts on this summer’s wackiest color-scheme:

1. We think of khaki as safe because we think of Target. But what is safe about Target (in this economy)?

2. Khaki is the color, soft rubber is the feel, and Christian Audigier champagne is the drink. Think about anti-fame, air conditioning, and skipping class to do homework.

3. In Prague, everyone calls everything “Kafkaesque.” No better reason to find the perfect head-to-toe style. Khaki is the color of recursivity and of transgressing transgression. Wear secret khaki under your khaki (Foot Undeez for example) for an extra emphasis on self-similar repetition and hidden agendas.

4. One thing I’m worried about is spilling on my khakis. There is literally no way to avoid this or to rectify a stain. You must throw away those khakis and refresh. Do not try to make them something else: Khaki is not a jean, and its intent is not malleable. That is why we love khaki.

5. I see a man on the tram, and he is wearing a knee-length linen skirt, khaki Tevas, a blousey thing, and a tribal leg tattoo. I imagine he is traveling through Prague because he has to come up with recipes for his brand new bestselling cookbook.

6. I see him again in a Tibetan restaurant in shorts and a khaki Pashmina, which are sold on every street corner here but which look perfect on him.

7. “Skirt-Over-Pants” used to be this thing that my friends and I said to out-of-style-losers, which is what I want to emulate now. Call it retribution.

8. I have already busted up a pair of knockoff Timberlands and a pair of high-top Chuck Taylors on the cobblestones of Prague. In the Tesco of Old Town Square, one can purchase Crocs, knock-off-crocs (Knocs), and every type of all-terrain semi-sandal. I want the matte transparent flesh-tone or the khaki camo! A suede khaki flat for later.

9. Most people I see here are wearing a day-to-night look: sweat-encrusted backpack with something telling about their personality strapped to it, glitter shirt, khaki shorts, and blisters.

10. Accessories (and bandages) should be monochromatic.

11. I see a large woman at Charles University wearing a trompe l’œil-patterened Lycra dress made to look like a khaki pleated jumper over a white blouse. I imagine she is picking up her children so they can take her out to lunch and a Cuba Libre.

12. They will say they don’t like her dress but mean that they wish they had found it first, most likely at one of the cheap little stores next to the gyro place on Spalena.

13. Instead of a Canadian Tuxedo, invest in an American Classic: all khaki. This includes makeup, attitude, and at-home.

14. Khaki is reactionary here because it is not club-wear. Obviously, the best answer is khaki club-wear. On the dance floor, no one can touch you, and you somehow don’t want anyone to.

15. Tourism is dangerous because shopping can feel like a chore. Relax. I’m day-drinking a gin fizz, looking at the Vltava river fill with paddle boars, and listening to the language of capitalism from a chorus of nationalities, and I know that khaki is safe.

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