Lesbians that Look Like Gabby Giffords

People in the dog-eat-bitch world of political consulting love to talk about “optics.” What are the “optics” of doing a press release on the same day our opponent’s mom gets denied flood insurance? What are the “optics” of having a story about our candidate’s love handles on page 7 of the Tampa Tribune right next to a story about the lack of reasonably priced Italian restaurants in Tampa?

Optics, as they say, are everything. And by “they,” I mean the mouth-breathing children at Politico, who would sooner self-immolate than file a story on anything other than “what to watch out for” in tonight’s exit polls of elderly, Jewish, pressed Cuban sandwiches.

So imagine our surprise when Politico and the rest of the lamestream media failed to home in on the surprising optics behind Gabby Giffords’s triumphant return to the limelight—post-book, pre-resignation, and all cuddly wuddly Congress-victim.

The now-former Arizona Congresswoman and assassination-attempt survivor just doesn’t look like the cactus-eating, border patrolling Blue Dog Democrat she once was. In fact, she looks like a rather accessible lesbian—an accessbian.

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Top 10 Political Screen Grabs of 2011

In a very particular order, here are the top 10 things that fogged up my computer screen in 2011: 10. Michele Sets Us Straight Because despite the misleading title and impressive posture of its cover star, this book has almost nothing to do with Pilates. ____________________________________________________________________________ 9. Dinner Invitations from Barack Because desperation was the look in 2011.

Regarding the Pain of Gaddafi

An all-white room. Four pieces arranged in the center of a gallery that’s otherwise minimally decorated. A bunch of guys in beards milling around outside. Your average gallery opening, right? But this is Libya, not Berlin. The pieces on display are the corpses of Gaddafi and his loyalists. The gallery is a meat locker—an ad hoc solution to the problem of displaying rotting flesh: The spare setting conveys just how much of Gaddafi’s power remains.… [read more »]

Herman Cain Delivers

Herman Cain is on a book tour. Like Sarah Palin and Donald Trump before him, the author of the presumptuously titled This is Herman Cain! My Journey to the White House is selling a large hype pie with extra hashtags. He’s been called a “minstrel” for peppering his Southern black manspeak with folksy aphorisms like “shucky ducky” that he shills for heehawing white audiences. He prefers to call himself the “Hermanator” (which actually is the… [read more »]

What’s wrong with #OccupyWallSt? Be specific.

Is #OccupyWallStreet the new Tea Party?

One If by Brand

Call it the race to the middle. For a GOP desperate to find a credible nominee, Mitt Romney is looking like the on-brand, très bland alternative to Obama’s class warrior.  The more that rootin’ tootin’ Rick Perry gets riled up at debates, the higher Mitt seems to fly.  But what’s behind that sinister, high-end jawline of Mitt Romney’s? Let’s check Twitter for our first clue: This tells us that Mitt thinks campaigning is very hard.… [read more »]