Nina Cristante is an artist, autodidactic nutritionist, Aquarius and my best friend. Had it not been for a mutual friend linking us during her temporary stay in NYC seven months back, I may’ve never been introduced to the full spectrum of her work. Just a subtle trail of digital breadcrumbs. Slow-mo-promo. A whisper, a wink, a bikini body meme. A deliberately ambiguous website hosting austere at-home workout videos and fragments of clients’ food diaries.
Genius production companies, like the Ark Music Factory, have realized that every tween girl needs a single no matter what they look like and no matter how shrill their voice is. This Willow Smith and Justin Bieber-inspired movement is currently democratizing the teen pop industry, breaking the DISney chains. Having a single is the new communion, the new bat mitzvah, and before long every tween across the globe will just do it. They’ll have a well produced music video by the time they’re twelve. Jenna Rose, for instance, is twelve and pretends to drive her friends around while wearing a pink fedora and singing: “abc, 123 that girl wore her jeans like me!” Jenna has 300,000 views and counting.
Other awkward tween hit themes include CJ Fam’s “Ordinary Pop Star,” which is about being an approachable teen star; Rebecca Black’s fun, fun, fun ode to “fun-day” (previously posted on DIS), and Sarah Maugaotega’s ballad “take it easy,” in which she isn’t ready to have sex with her gay boyfriend.
Will Neibergall, aka Glass Popcorn, class of 2014, is the featured DISassociated pop-star in the making. His mix “Ordinary Pop Star” adresses this theme in a way only his generation can.
Enjoy! and make sure anyone you know between the ages of 8 and 15 is working hard on this vital new step in the path to adulthood.
“It’s SO complicated, that I don’t know why!”
2. ordinary pop star (glass popcorn edit) – cj fam
3. tiger blood – glass popcorn
4. we hold it against toxic dynamite chick – blahblahbloification
5. congratulations – dwightpudding
6. dougie i do it alone – dak4nym4nfu
7. ghetto ass witch (glass popcorn remix) – ritualz
8. baby (glass popcorn edit) – ludacris
9. swag face – lil susan
10. only girl (glass popcorn edit) – rihanna
11. forever young (glass popcorn edit) – alphaville and jay-z
12. microsoft paint exe file interpreted as audio file
13. friday (glass popcorn edit) – rebecca black