Global .Wav

Global .Wav | Sexy Flexxy’s Kenyan Cruise

Kenya, 2006 – There’s a Gangsta Rap Video formula sheet floating around America somewhere, dictating the ratio of bikinis to bling, to cash money, and the like. Over the years, a mass of generic rap videos filtered down from said formula can be found in every corner of the world, creating a cringe-worthy buildup of the highest order: A cacophany of ass-exposing hoes and flashy cars, from Warsaw to the West Bank.

This global “G” rap phenomenon is undeniably crap.

Flexx, hailing from Kenya, is one of the few rappers around with a video that’s not trying to be high-def, high speed, or full of the usual hip hop status signifiers. In the intro, we find him chilling in a brick and aluminum hut with his boys, discussing the female form (or something) for 37 seconds before the music even starts. When he’s distracted by a blue mesh, swirly-patterned skirt, he begins his attempt to pick up ladies walking down a dirt road in Nairobi—sans Lamborghini and club lights—with a few smooth moves and lines. In other words, he creates zero embarrassing moments. Plus, the track is awesome: what a fucking relief!

Morocco. 2008? – The Jersey Shore‘s Snooki has a doppelganger in Morocco, who once sang in a disused, 3-star beach resort. The song lyrics are too much: “Before you cry, I changed my phone number, you don’t deserve me…I’ll stay living alone and it’s OK.” Damn girl! Moroccan Snooki is so wise, juicy and sassy, just like her Jersey counterpart. Her man, Chab Regga, clad in Armani Exchange resort collection, swears to her, “The girl… [read more »]

Japan, 1991-1993 – More Deep, without irony, is the best band name ever conceived. Better yet, they describe themselves as a “dance and sound unit”. Their song “Nail,” wholly inspired by Malcolm McLaren’s “Deep in Vogue,” is the reason behind the wise choice of band name, since “Deep in Vogue” is clearly not Deep enough! How is that possible, you ask? Just watch until the ring leader starts singing, then switch off. [Editor’s Note: DO… [read more »]

The Congo (formerly Zaire), 2008 (?) – Today’s entry is about the arranged marriage of disparate styles and the intense randomness that springs forth from such unimagined couplings. Koffi Olomide’s songs are a cheesy Congolese staple. In fact, you don’t need to see more than 60 seconds of this video to know that nothing about him stands out, except for his genius styling choices: think of early-’90s TLC videos, all of the shitty fur and… [read more »]

Global .Wav | Action > Dance > Hype > Party

Global .Wav contributor Fatima Al Qadiri is presently on a global tour of leisure, but she didn’t forget to send us a dispatch straight from her WiFi at Lake Como this week. We can’t wait to see what she’s found for us when she returns! – Editors Germany, 1995 – In 1995 the seminal film Hackers was unleashed onto the general public. In Germany that same year, the über-cheesy techno ensemble, Das Modul, launched their… [read more »]

Morocco, 2008 – How do Aarbaoui Miloudi and Nabila make their video stand out from the rest of the Rai? With images of girls with guns, frolicking penguins, tourist board of Morocco backgrounds, MNKYBZNSS and a lot of other really weird shit. The future of art direction in Arab music videos has finally arrived.

“Ya Taiba” is the song by the band Birds of Heaven. They are featured on a television network of the same name, which advocates a pan-Arab, Muslim vision aimed at making children pure with righteous programming. Aside from the creepiness that this description entails, the video’s heavenly dance routines are good enough to convert even the most hardened Satan-worshipper. Wouldn’t you want to be wearing a floor-length dress with matching hijab in pink satin, dancing… [read more »]

Let me share a few words on Haifa Wehbe, the sluttiest, baby-groping pop seductress in the Middle East. Hailing from Lebanon, Haifa is unlike every other female pop star in the world. This is mostly due to the fact that she cannot stop singing and prancing around babies. Her songs feature lyrics that espouse the *goo-goo-gaa-gaa* language of infants, as exemplified in her hit song, “Bus-al-Wawa” (literal translation: “Kiss the Owie”). In this video, Haifa… [read more »]

What does it mean to wear a red jumpsuit, a purple wig, a face mask and a false belly? If the seminal book (un)Fashion came with a DVD, this video from South African ensemble, Tshe Tsha Boys, would be on it. [Thanks to Jamie Friedman for sharing this]

From the Romanian dance music boy band, Animal X, comes a Twlight-infused vision of a vampire witch hunt in Dracula’s hometown… and perhaps some of the most bizarre dance moves ever choreographed for “straight” men.

It’s Sweden, 1997. Sunglasses come with built-in Virtual Reality lens modules so you can jack-in on the go! This song is cheesy as fuck, but no one has ever looked better walking down a street in broad daylight. Song: Antiloop “In My Mind”.

Dina Alieva: Chechnya’s youngest Muslim Trance superstar. Her religious sincerity and fashion prowess are a cancerous combination. Those pants? …Are basically the future. That stage? It’s the portal to Allah’s x-static domain.

It’s 1995 in Belgrade, and Ceca sings “Znam” (I Know) cuz she just married Arkan, a wanted war criminal in the region. Arkan died in her arms in 2000 with a bullet in his head. I’m sorry, but you just can’t get any harder than Ceca: girl is CUNT in CAPS. For all previous Global .Wav videos, CLICK HERE.

It’s Germany 1993: nothing can go wrong. A corporate tai-chi virtual reality mating dance dominates the workplace, and floral kaleidoscope is the must-have alternative accessory for every 9-5 lover.

My next installment of Global .Wav had to be Japanese. This is a band called Aicle. They’re all male. They go through, like, seven (bad) genres of music in this song. Their style mines uncharted depths of high street fashion mixed with tranny crackheads. I’m speechless. [Editor’s note: Fatima is never speechless.]

Yulduz Usmonova “Rasululloh” [Global .Wav is a weekly presentation by Fatima Al Qadiri of music videos worthy of attention from around the world.]

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